In search of feeling of happiness, I tried mdma. Am I certified as recreational trip-er? nahhh.. no need to label everything. Take it and experience it. That's exactly what I did.
The feeling kicked in around an hour plus after I took it. Kinda slow kicked compared to what I read, which is around 40 minutes later. Light headed, nausea and my body kinda need moving involuntarily. Well, much needed for me coz Im a old timer potato couch. My muscles must be happy. I also was so in the mood, so that department covered successfully.
Slow dance helped me to moving constantly and it feel so nice. Yerp, I repeat the words soooooo many times along with rambling bout safe space, being cute, etc. Basically, I said out loud all the things that makes me happy at the moment. some of them I do feel it when I'm sober but I didn't said it out loud coz I'm afraid of being judged.
Guess the quote was right, 2 times you will heard people to say the truth ;
1) when they are mad
2) when they high
Re-living the inner child state is so refreshing coz we don't think on negative things, we are not being critical to ourselves, we don't bother of what people will say. Guess i went back to 7 yo me time where I will just think about me and everything is exciting. We need it once in a while to let loose, forget bout the stress and most importantly let your heart out. Maybe it wont solved your problems, but relief a bit.
Danced in the balcony and talking to Sirian, my new star-friend was so refreshing. Only me and Sirian. According to the youtube channel, I have 5 out of 7. Feel good to belong to some mystic group of people. That's what i felt that night. But, when I'm sober I believe that there must be some depth for all the characteristics of any star-seed group in order to genuinely makes someone belong to that group. Got me?
I don't think simply because I love nature and animal, living simple life, hard to express my feeling and etc, makes me Sirian / Sirius star-seed. It is nice tho if I'm genuinely belong to that group. But what is star seed ACTUALLY ? need to dig more. I just know the surface ACTUALLY.
Enough bout Sirian, I wanna take this trip again mayb few months down the road and dancing under to moon light and the stars. Awwwww.... Isnt it nice? That will be sooo fucking nice. Lying on the floor and star gazing will be priceless. i want it!!!! Fucking want it!!
The dangerous part for this tripping things is, you may hooked onto the state of intoxicated. The deeper your anxiety or depression, the stronger the desire to take the pill. Worst scenario, you will become addicted. It is okay to become "recreational tripper" (does this term legit?).
Hence, for me, don't go overboard to find the supplier because I believe they are everywhere. Limit your resources to 1 point only.
The aftermath was another story. I thot I will be sad for the side effect but not really for me. I still feel happy momentarily, here and there, and also talked a lot to my cats , few days after i took the pill. Maybe because the sadness in me cannot be added anymore. as Deva said Im -a crying person. True.
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Deva advised me to drink a lot of water and sleep. Yerp... not really works for me. Another side effect was, I felt soooooo lazy like i dont give a fuck to to do anything. Not sad just not motivated to do anything. In total of couldn't care less mode. and it last for few days, like 4 to 5 days. Thennnn it back to normal. Alhamdulillah. Takut jugak kalau permanent mcm tu.. mampuih.. apa pon tak jalan kang.
Soo, in short , this is better than LSD coz this makes me happy :) and I wanna do this again ; )
